All You Got
by Azfixiation
Summary: What happens when one's strength runs out? Shizuru and Natsuki are about to find out.
1. Chapter 1

A/N - Ok so this just kind of... struck me the other day when I heard _Stop Draggin' My Heart Around_ by Stevie Nicks on my way to work. Expect OOCness and please don't kill me for the things I do to Shizuru in this. Again, no beta so be easy on me.

AJ - Thanks for being such a great inspiration.

Everyone who reviews - There's too many of you to say by name (wow, way to sound egotistical right?) but just know you all are the reason I'm here. Thank you for all your kind words.

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**All You Got**

By: Azfixiation

The banging on my front door was much louder than it needed to be. The rapid noise of fist connecting with wood signaled the urgency in the knock, and I sighed to myself knowing exactly who it was. And why she was here. _I don't need this tonight._ I let the knocking continue; I was in the middle of getting dressed and it wasn't as if she didn't have a key. Why she felt the need to be so formal was beyond me.

I finished buttoning my jeans before sitting on the edge of the bed to pull my socks on. By the time I finished the banging had subsided, and I now had very angry green eyes staring down on me. "Don't do this anymore Shizuru," she said through gritted teeth. She was pissed, and I can't entirely say I blame her.

"Ara, is my Natsuki jealous?" I teased, leaning back on the bed to look up at her.

"Shizuru, please," she spoke again but this time her angry eyes turned soft, pleading. I couldn't take seeing the pain in her eyes, so I slipped on my shoes for distraction, looking everywhere but her as I stood up to make my way to the front door.

_I'm sorry Natsuki. This is killing me too._

Her grip is tight on my arm as she stops me from leaving, pulling me back to her with a shattering fierceness. Before I can understand what is happening my back is against the wall and her fingers are in my hair as she presses her lips to mine. My eyes close involuntarily as I fight for control over my emotions. When Natsuki's tongue slides against mine I know I have lost the fight. No one should have this much control over someone else, but she knows exactly how to bend my will.

When she finally pulls away for air I search her eyes as they make contact with my own. I knew what I would see but for a split second I had allowed myself to hope it would be different this time. Instead her eyes held the same panic they always did. Not because she wasn't ok with what had happened but because she still couldn't understand why it only happened when she was scared of me doing something reckless or of losing me.

_How scared do I have to make you before you realize this is love?_

I can feel the tears pushing at my eyes, begging for release as her head falls onto my shoulder. "Please Shizuru, I can't stand watching you do this to yourself," she pleads.

How many times can I allow her to break me? Turning my sadness to anger I quickly push her away, once again resolved in my decision. If she was jealous it wasn't my problem. She has never claimed me as her own, though I have done everything short of groveling to get her to.

"I told you Natsuki, all or nothing. There is no in between for us any more. Now if you'll excuse me. I have friends to meet." My voice is colder than I expected, but the added touch of venom sends her reeling and I am thankful of it. I need to escape before she can recover, or before I break down.

I grab my keys off the table by the door and tug on my jacket before making my hasty exit. As soon as I'm out of her sight the tears fall and I quickly climb into my car. How can she not understand that her 'help' only shatters me more. What's the big deal anyways? I'm only going drinking. It's not as if I'm shooting heroin on a nightly basis.

_It's not as if my life is falling apart in my attempt to forget her._

It was a lie. My life had long ago fallen apart. But it was no ones fault but my own. I should have known better than to ever give up so much control to someone else. Never again would I. Not even to Natsuki, if I could help it.

I turn the music in my VR-4 louder, trying to forget the feeling of her lips bruising against mine. I slip into sixth gear once I hit the highway, having finally come to understand the joyous freedom of driving Natsuki had always felt. I feel a faint vibration in my pocket and pull out my phone to check the text message I just received.

"Love you. Call me if you get too drunk," it reads.

"I love you too, jerk," I said bitterly. No, I am definitely not the patient forgiving Shizuru I was in high school. Seven years of this… teasing will do that to someone. How can someone claim to love you when they can't even commit to you? Natsuki's thought process never made sense to me, and eventually I had to make the choice to follow her blindly into more pain or try, in my fucked up attempts, to move on.

I shook myself from my thoughts as I pulled up to a now very familiar two story club. I paid my fee to get in, and headed straight upstairs to the quieter bar. I saw several familiar faces, and for a brief moment I wondered how pathetic my life had become that I should be so comfortable in a place like this.

"Hey Fujino!" a voice called out, and I craned my neck around to find the source. After a moment of letting my eyes adjust to the dim lighting I spot my friends and join them at the bar. They continue their conversation, bitching about their work days and I listen in mild interest. They've long ago given up trying to get anything personal from me and I'm thankful for their quiet acceptance.

The drinks come faster and the liquor becomes harder as the night progresses. Unfamiliar hands touch me on the arm, the shoulder, sometimes a thigh. Conversation gives way to dancing as words become to painful in everyone's inebriated state. I don't pay attention to who I dance with, it doesn't matter. At some point I'm conscious of lips attaching themselves to my neck, arms pulling me back against and unknown body.

_Why does it always feel like I'm the one who's cheating on her, when she's the one who rejects me?_

I banish the thought as I feel teeth grazing my skin. I'm here to forget, not to dwell. I turn around in the arms that are holding me captive to see who is being so bold with me and notice it's Chisame, one of the girls in my newfound group of friends. She grins at me through heavy lidded drunk eyes, obviously proud at her boldness. Yes, alcohol makes fools of us all, and I am no exception. I reach up behind her neck and pull her head down to mine, our lips sliding together as her hips move with mine to the music.

There is no electricity. No spark. No butterflies. But it doesn't matter. At least it is something I can _feel_ and at this point it is all that matters. My fingers slide into her auburn locks as I try to push the guilt from my mind. She takes this as encouragement, and deepens the kiss, sliding her tongue past my lips as her hands move to my hips and pull me closer.

As my eyes close I see Natsuki's face, her desperation as she tried in her own ways to convince me to stop doing this to myself. "I need another drink," I say loud enough for her to hear over the music. I'm not sure there's enough alcohol in the country to make me forget her, but I never was one to quit without a fight.

Chisame follows me to one of the lower bars, making the kind gesture of buying the drink for me and I didn't protest. It was a silent acquiescence that I would not stop her advances for the night. She has a solemn look as she hands me the drink, and it's no secret that this group as been making bets on who would be the first to get me to give in. It is the first time I have allowed such a gesture and before I could get queasy over the thought of who I was becoming, I tipped the glass to my lips and swallowed down as much of the liquor as I could stomach.

"Better?" she asks, a slight hesitation in her voice. I can see in her dark eyes that she took it as insult, and was probably feeling the blow of my needing to further lose control of myself to go through with this.

I nod, unable to lie but not wanting to divulge the truth. I close the space between our bodies once again and place my lips close to her ear, blowing gently into it as I tell her I want to leave. I feel her shudder at the contact, accepting that it is not her because of her I needed the extra alcohol. She takes my hand into her own and leads me from the club into the chilly night.

"My place is just down the street. We can walk if you don't mind leaving your car here overnight," she says unnecessarily. I don't care where we're going, or how we're getting there.

She doesn't speak again for the rest of the night. When we reach her apartment I waste no time in pressing my lips to hers before I have the chance to analyze what I am doing. Her hands are kind as they explore my body in awe. Somehow clothes are shed as we make our way to the bed. I keep her mouth on mine as her hands find their way between my legs, and she is kind enough to pretend she doesn't notice my tears as she enters me.

There is no romance here, no tenderness. Just a kind friend helping another forget. We move together for hours, as if it is her personal mission to cause me to pass out. Maybe it is. She is perceptive and perhaps knows that is the best kindness she can offer me.

"Rest now, Shizuru," she whispers as she looks into my heavy lidded eyes. I know the exhaustion is obvious and I do not protest.

I faintly hear my phone vibrating on the floor and stiffen in her embrace. Again she picks up on this and gently moves from the bed, grabbing a t-shirt to pull over her head. "I'll be on the couch if you need anything."

I almost ask her to stay, but I know it wouldn't be right. She is too kind for someone like me. I ruin lives, not make them better. Yet in all of my self hatred I can't stop myself from finding my phone after Chisame leaves the room. Another text.

"Shizuru, are you ok?"

"Am fine. Sleeping at friends."

"Shizuru…" comes the reply text.

"I know."

I turn the phone off, unable to finish the conversation. The last thing I need right now is for her to tell me I need to stop drinking so much. She gives a whole new meaning to 'kill 'em with kindness'. I settle into the unfamiliar bed and pull the blankets close as the tears begin to fall once more. I hear the bedroom door click shut to allow me privacy, and again I feel guilty at Chisame's kindness. I guess I've finally buckled with the weight of the world I think sadly, moments before falling into a drunken sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N - No, I haven't forgotten about Here You Me. But I'm sort of in love with this story. So here's round two. No beta, forgive mistakes.

This is for Melishen! (Don't ask...) Sometimes things take a long time to happen, but there's merit in never giving up. I'm glad we never did.

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**All You Got**

By: Azfixiate

I awake to much more sunlight than should ever be permitted into any bedroom. Instinctively my eyes snap shut again as the memories from the night before come back to me. By the time I drag myself from the bed and get dressed, I'm relieved to find that Chisame has gone out for the day so I don't have to face her. "Isn't that how it always goes?" I said to myself as I pondered on whether or not I could remember my way back to my car from her apartment.

Making sure I've gathered my things I set out into the overly bright day, wincing in pain at the throbbing in my head. Luckily I found my way to my car quickly and was thankful to pull on the sunglasses I kept in it. I made my way home without making any stops, wanting only a shower and more sleep to get me through the day. Unfortunately as soon as I opened my front door, I knew my day was not going to go at all as I had hoped.

"Nice of you to finally come home," Natsuki called from the couch as she sat up and clicked off the tv.

"Why are you here?" I asked, already feeling my headache worsening.

"Making sure you're still alive. Sleeping with strangers is dangerous you know," she answered flatly. Her tone wasn't exactly hostile, but it certainly wasn't friendly either. "You're out of mayo too by the way."

"Well then I suggest you go get some since you're the only one who eats that God awful stuff. I'm going to take a shower." _Please don't fight me right now Natsuki. Please just let me go._

Her eyes met mine for a minute and I sighed in relief when she nodded.

"I'm not leaving though," she said as she went back to the couch.

I watched her retreating form for a minute, wondering how we ever got to this point. Half the time it certainly felt like we were dating, and in some ways I wondered if this could ever be enough. At least she doesn't run away when we fight anymore. Though I have myself to thank for that. The last time she got angry and left she returned to find me gone and didn't hear from me for a week. It scared her so badly she refused to leave from then on unless she knew I was _stable_ as she put it. So maybe it wasn't the best situation, but it was something.

Once I was in the shower I relaxed, letting the hot water ease away my headache and exhaustion. I was thankful Natsuki seemed to not want to fight today and got hopeful that maybe for once, even if it was just a few hours, we could pretend to be the normal best friends we used to be.

I took my time finishing my shower and getting dressed. If nothing else I was perfectly comfortable with Natsuki around even when we were frustrated with each other. There wasn't much left to feel shy or awkward about at this point anyways. We've lasted longer than ninety five percent of the marriages around us. It's got to say something about us at least.

Once I finished I sat on the other end of the couch trying to gauge what sort of mood she was in. She glanced at me quickly before turning back to the tv, obviously trying to figure the same out about me.

"You must be tired," she said eventually without looking at me.

"A little," I responded, my eyes falling on her lap as I wished I could lay my head there.

"Can nap if you want." She finally looks at me and I search her eyes, relieved when for once I see no anger or resentment. Maybe this can be a good day after all.

"Ara, Natsuki is so kind to let me sleep in my own house," I tease and she rolls her eyes. The ache in my heart lifts, and before I can stop myself - before I can remember that when I forget the pain I only fall more in love with her, I do lay my head on her lap and close my eyes. "Good night Natsuki."

"Not on me you idiot!" she protests but without even opening my eyes I pout and it's only a minute before I feel her fingers in my hair. "Oi, if you're staying there you have about a half hour to nap before I leave."

"Where is Natsuki going?" I try to keep the disappointment out of my voice but there's no point. She knows me too well by now.

"WE are going shopping before the stores close. You need mayo or I'll never survive these late night babysitting adventures."

"Ikezu.." I say, unhappy with the babysitting comment though we both know it's mostly true.

"Shizuru..?"

Her voice is soft, and I know that means a hard question is coming. "Yes Natsuki?" I ask as her fingers keep stroking my hair to keep me calm. She trapped me, and she knows it. She knows I can't go anywhere when she is touching me like this. How did she ever get so smart?

"Are we ever going to be able to talk about all of this?"

"Will you be able to stay calm?"

"I don't know. You piss me off," she says with a sad laugh but her fingers are still moving through my hair. We are still safe.

I open my eyes to look up into hers and see a softness there I have not seen in a long time. "What do you want to know?" I can at least try if she's willing to try.

"Did you sleep with her?" she asks, and I stiffen in shock. I had expected a lecture about my drinking, not this.

"Does it matter?" I ask after a long silence. _What kind of game is she playing with me? _"It's not as if I'm taken."

"I think everyone knows you're not taken. You change girls faster than I change panties these days." Another sad laugh. Is she actually hurt by this? _Please don't tease me like this again Natsuki. _

"Why does Natsuki not date?" I ask, wanting to change the subject from my own personal failures.

"Ha, I think you might kill someone if they so much as kissed me," she laughs, real loud now and though I suspected she was only teasing, it sent a sudden surge of guilt through my body. Have I really been so selfish? What if it was true?

"Is that true?" I ask, suddenly feeling the urge to cry. "Is Natsuki putting off her happiness because she is... afraid of me?"

"No!" Her eyes flash panic, and somehow her distress calms me.

"Ara, maybe Natsuki should just claim me as hers then." I regret the words as soon as they leave my lips. Natsuki doesn't respond, but I feel her thumb brush against my cheek before her fingers move back to my hair. Does she even have any clue how intimate she is being?

I close my eyes and enjoy the touch, knowing that our conversation is over. Did we even get anywhere at all? "We should go now. I don't want to miss out on my mayo," she says, finally stilling the motion of her fingers.

We survived, though I'm not sure we made any progress. At least it was something. Baby steps. Seven years of crawling and mayo still wins out over hashing this out. "I should go fix my hair then. Natsuki seemed quite intent on messing it up," I force a smile as I say this, reluctantly rising from her lap. She blushes, probably not having even realized what she was doing until I mentioned it. _So clueless_.

We make it to the store shortly before closing and Natsuki dashes straight to the mayo section. I can't help but laugh, it seems that mayo is the last piece of innocence either of us have hung onto. "Staying for dinner?"

"Sure if you want but you don't have to make anything. I know you're tired."

"I don't mind," I say honestly, trying to not get too excited about it. A few more hours of this and it'll be the first time in about six months we've made it this long without a fight breaking out. There are a million questions I want to ask, and even more things I want to force out of her but I restrain myself. This is what normal best friends do. We can be normal. Somehow.

I make dinner as promised, laughing as Natsuki looms over my shoulder in anticipation. Finally I convince her to pick out a movie for us to watch while we eat to get her out of my hair. Once I'm finished cooking we settle onto the couch as she starts _Die Hard_. "Should have known better than to let you pick," I say in teasing protest. As long as it makes her stay I could care less.

I don't know how it happened but at some point, long after dinner had been finished and well into the movie Natsuki opened her arms to me. It wasn't the first time, but normally she never makes such a gesture unless it's forced out of her by some extreme emotion. I felt her arms wrap around me as we shifted on the couch to get comfortable. We finally settled with her spooning me on the couch, my mind reeling as I felt her breath on my neck. "You don't have to..." I whisper, unsure of what was happening. Is this more of her "help"?

"Shh," is the only answer I get as she goes back to watching her movie.

What happened to baby steps? I want to scream at her and find out what is happening. Last night she kisses me, now this? _I can't handle this Natsuki._ I close my eyes, trying to stop my thoughts. I want to just enjoy this. I want to let go. _Just feel Shizuru, just enjoy this while it lasts._

And so I do. Just like all the other times. I give control to her when I feel her fingers lace with mine, her arms tight around my body. This is my dream, my nightmare, my everything. Her breath tickles my ear and I'm pretty sure I feel her place the faintest kiss there. "Natsuki..?" I question, too afraid to move. The confusion is too much for me and try as I might, I can't control the gentle sobs that build up within me.

"I should go Shizuru," she says finally, but she's not moving. I turn in her arms so that I'm facing her and for the briefest moment I see the familiar panic in her eyes. Is it me she's afraid of?

"Don't," I plead, moving my body closer to hers so she can't easily get up from the couch. Her eyes watch me intently and she dips her head down to kiss me gently as she wipes away my tears. It's a quick, gentle brushing of lips. Nothing like the fierce kiss last night. "Why are you doing this to me?" I choke out finally.

"Isn't this what you want?" she questions, causing me to shiver as her fingertips slide along the skin of my neck.

"No, you idiot," I manage to get out. The words take all my willpower and courage to speak, but finally I speak honestly, without hiding behind my fear. "I want your heart, not your body Natsuki. I'm in love with you. You know that."

"I have to go," she says again, this time moving from the couch with ease.

"Oh. No. You. Don't." I watch her wince at the tone of my voice. "You are not doing this to me, and then running away again. You started this. I'm not just your toy to be possessive over when you get jealous of some girl."

"That's not what it is!" Her face flushes, from anger or embarrassment I don't know. "I'm going."

"Natsuki is so selfish," I say, grabbing her arm to keep her in place. She tries to give me a defiant look, but I can see in her eyes that I am winning this round. "Tell me what the hell this is about, because if you're so worried about me, you wouldn't be playing these mind games with me."

"How can I believe anything Shizuru!? You say you love me but then you go and fuck half the city and I sit here and wait to pick up the pieces. I don't date anyone because if I was going to be with anyone, it would be you. But you're too busy destroying yourself to notice. And now I don't know what to feel." She turns away from me but doesn't move. We're fighting now and she won't leave despite her words. _Her words... Oh Natsuki is this true?_

"Don't go," I say again, not knowing what else to say after that. I move behind her and hesitantly wrap my arms around her waist, resting my chin on her shoulder.

"I don't know anything anymore Shizuru," she chokes out, a sob escaping from her lips. "When I figured it out you were too far gone. Too set going out with these girls, sleeping with them. Nothing I did could stop you. It broke my heart. I don't know anymore. I just don't." She was crying now and I turned her in my arms to face her. How did I miss this? Why didn't she ever tell me? _Oh God, don't let this be too late._ "Please Shizuru, let me go. I need to be alone right now."

I can only nod, trying not to break down myself. I bite my bottom lip to fight off my own tears as I watch her pull on her jacket. I watch as she reaches for the door, but she stops and instead turns to me and wraps her arms tightly around me. "It'll be ok," she says, still trying to comfort me though it's clear she is also in pain.

I want to tell her I love her, but the words won't come out. It doesn't matter anyways, she lets go and quickly walks outside, shutting the door gently behind her. I stare at the door dumbstruck. Everything I just believed was reality has shattered.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N - Ok, so this isn't such an angsty chapter. (At all) But don't get your hopes up. I'm not done with these two yet. There's something incredibly special to me in this chapter, but I'm not saying what. Haha, so cruel I am.

**Xiao Jen** - It's about freaking time. I love you.

**Lindred** - I will never, ever, look at my pink tie the same again. You're pure evil.

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**All You Got**

By: Azfixiation

Three days. Three days and still no sign of Natsuki. I would like to say this isn't like her, but the reality of it is that this is exactly like her. The old Natsuki that is. What was she running from? How can she practically tell me she feels the same, and then just vanish?

I try to keep myself busy; I know that I can't push her when she's like this. Somehow though everything I do only leads me back to thoughts of her. Watching tv is more her hobby than mine. I could go out for a drive, but again, that would only make me remember our trips together. What I want is simple, but I know that if I allow myself to give into it I may mess up my last chance with Natsuki. Last chance? Yes, it probably is at this point.

"Goodbye to you my friend," I sigh in resignation, watching the liquor pour down the drain. It's almost agonizing, and I wonder for a brief moment if this means I've become an alcoholic. If I were drunk I would be ok. I could be happy and not worry about what Natsuki is thinking. I slide my finger into the flow of liquid before slipping said finger into my mouth, smiling at the slight burn on my tongue.

_Bad Shizuru. No wonder Natsuki doesn't want to be with you when she thinks she has to take care of you all the time. I want to call you…_My mind jumps from thought to thought, always ending at Natsuki. It can't be normal to long so desperately for someone. Once I start to think about it, I wonder if that's what Natsuki is waiting for. Besides, if she doesn't want to talk, she doesn't have to answer, right? Right.

Taking charge of my courage before I lose it, I take a seat on the couch and dial her number. I'm not sure if I'm relieved or saddened when she doesn't answer, and not knowing what to say I hang up without leaving a message. At least she'll know I tried.

Not a minute goes by and my phone starts to ring, and for a second I swear my heart leapt to my throat. Glancing at the caller ID I berate myself; I should have known it wouldn't have been her. "Hello?" I answer kindly, remembering reality.

"Shizuru? Hey, I was wondering if you were ok. We haven't seen you in a few days, since you know…"

Ah, kind sweet Chisame.

"Ara, I'm sorry Chisame. It's nothing like that; it's just been a bit hectic around here lately. Please, don't think it was anything you did," I say sweetly.

"Ok well a few of us are going to hit Daks tonight. Did you want to come with?"

I look at the time and sigh, Natsuki probably is off work by now, which means that if she was going to talk to me, she probably would've done it by now. "Sure, usual time?" I ask. At least it'll give me a distraction. She confirms and we hang up, and with a purpose in mind I drag myself from the couch to get ready to leave the house for the first time since Natsuki's confession.

I take my time in the shower, knowing that I've at least two hours to kill before needing to leave the house. When finished I pull on a red tank top and some jeans, happy they chose a more casual bar this time. _A bar. Shizuru, you're not supposed to be drinking. But you can hang out, right? Someone has to be the designated driver after all._ _Besides, it's not like you can't have friends just because of this. _I struggle through my inner monologue, deciding that there's nothing wrong with me going out.

I find myself at the bar about twenty minutes early, not exactly happy with being the first one there. Thankfully Chisame and Beniko arrive rather quickly, leaving me sitting alone for only about ten minutes. "Thanks for grabbing the table," Beniko says as she sits down across from me.

As usual I don't speak much as everyone starts pouring in. I'm content to just be here, lost in their world and not have to think about mine. I notice Chisame watching me from the corner of her eye, every once in a while brushing her hand against my arm, or my leg. I know I should talk to her about what happened. Certainly she can't believe that it was ever anything more after the way I behaved. But how can I approach that?

Luckily my phone rang, providing a much needed distraction. My heart nearly stopped when I saw who it was. "Excuse me for a minute," I say to no one in particular as I stand up and make my way outside. "Natsuki?"

"Hey Shizuru," she says softly, and I can barely hear her over the music that's pouring out from inside the bar. "Where are you? I went by your house but you weren't there…"

"At Daks," I say, wincing at the reaction I know I'm sure to get.

"Back at it already, huh? I should have known better. Just forget it."

"No! It's not like that Natsuki. I'm not even drinking. Just hanging out," I say quickly, hoping to not start this off wrong. "You're welcome to come, if you'd like?"

"No, I'd rather not…"

"Then I'll leave, ok?"

_Please Natsuki, please. I'm trying. _

"No, don't worry about it."

"Okay…"

"Maybe later?" she asks after a long pause and my heart pounds wildly in my chest.

"I would like that," I say as calmly as I can though the grin on my face is clear for the world to see.

"My place?"

"Right now?" I tease, unable to resist. This is perfect. This is real. Finally. It doesn't matter what it means, only that there's nowhere left to go but forward.

"Oi! I'm not going to ruin your night. If you say you're not drinking, I trust you. See you in a few hours?"

"Of course. Love you," I say, more out of habit than anything. Only now I realize that the fact that we've always said it could mean more, and I have to force myself to hold in the giggle.

"I love you," she says quickly before clicking off her phone.

As usual, I have no idea what just happened. Or how things could change so quickly for us. We're like a bipolar roller coaster. _But this time I won't run away. _With a bounce in my step I head back inside the bar, now completely sure this is the last place I want to be.

From then on time drags by agonizingly slow. Chisame's advances get bolder, and I know that I need to speak to her. But not tonight. Tonight is Natsuki night and I won't let anything ruin that. "I have to go," I say after a short while, unable to contain myself to this simple talk when I know I have Natsuki waiting on me. "I'm sorry; I'll make it up to you all."

"Don't worry about it, Shizuru," Chisame says with her achingly sweet smile. My heart breaks for her. Really, I hate it when they think that sex means more than it is. But she was so sweet; I at least owe it to her to explain about Natsuki. Tommrow.

As I slide into my car I briefly wonder if I should call Natsuki, but it's not as if she ever calls before coming to my house. I'll just be early, but surely she won't mind. It's only a ten minute drive from the bar to her apartment, and I quickly walk up to the second story of the building and let myself in. "Natsuki?" I call out from the entryway as I take off my shoes.

"Oi! You're early," she says gruffly from a distance.

"I couldn't help it. I wanted to see my Natsuki," I said with a pout as she came out of her bedroom, rubbing a towel against her wet hair.

"Well don't expect anything exciting. I just thought we could hang out or something. Maybe see how we manage without fighting?" She gives me a hopeful look before tossing her towel onto the bathroom floor.

"Are we going to talk about what happened?" I venture, not wanting to scare her off but needing to know what is expected of me.

"Sure," she answers to my surprise. "Just give me a few minutes. Go out there." She points to the living room and I listen. I will not screw this conversation up. I will make things right. _I can do this. _I turn on the tv to distract myself while I wait. It can't be bad, whatever it is she has to say or she wouldn't have invited me over. Or agreed so easily to talk.

"Ara, you are so slow Natsuki," I call out. Her angry grumbling can faintly be heard from her room and I laugh, loving the feel of normalcy we both deserve.

"I'm here," she says as she practically dives onto the couch with a grin. "You look so good Shizuru. I mean, healthy. It's nice to see you sober and not hung over for once…"

"Thank you," I reply, feeling awkward that our conversation had to start this way. But if it's what she needs to say I will listen.

I watch as she sucks in a deep breath and shifts on the couch to sit Indian style facing me. "I know what you're waiting to hear. And I'm sorry it took me so long. It's just a lot to think about." She reaches her hand out to take my own before continuing. "I cant say for sure how we will end up because I know we have a lot, and I mean a lot, of pent up emotions for each other and we're finally able to let them out. I just know for sure that this time I'm not going to lose you or push you away."

Before I know what hit me my vision is blurry from tears. "Is this true?" I ask, unable to believe what I've heard. "Everything keeps changing. I don't think I can handle it if this isn't real."

"It is, Shizuru. I want to try with you. Slowly. And I mean that. I still have issues with everything you've done. And it's hard for me to think about the people you've been with."

"I won't hurt you like that again Natsuki. I never knew…"

"I know. It's ok. Let's just start over ok? And no more drinking, that's all I ask." She looks at me sternly and I nod. "I still hate you, a little," she admits after a moment.

"It's ok. I still love you a lot," I reply with a smile before leaning across the couch to press my lips to hers. She allows the kiss for a minute before pushing me away and giving me a knowing look.

"That's not slow," she laughs as I pout. I haven't felt like this since we were in high school. I only hope that it can last for once. Even roller coasters get boring after so many rides.

* * *

I know you're thinking "Wow, that was fast" but remember, they have been in this together a long time. When you've come that far with a person, it's not so hard. Especially when you truly love them. Forgiveness can come easily. Trust me, I should know. But like I said, I'm not done playing with their emotions yet either. I just thought we could all use a moment of joy. 


	4. Chapter 4

A/N- Wow, so can't believe I'm posting this. I blame this completely on a conversation I had at 6am this morning, mixed with the song Like A Drug by Kylie Minogue... Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be hiding in a corner somewhere. Lol...

* * *

**All You Got**

By: Azfixiation

I awoke to the dim light of my living room, noticing first that the sun was setting and second that Natsuki was nowhere in sight. There was the brief tremor of panic that ran through my body at waking up alone as I only vaguely remembered falling asleep on the couch in the first place. Mid-day naps weren't something I was particularly used to but Natsuki was intent on teaching me to enjoy the more relaxed side of life. Not that I could ever say no to an opportunity to lay in her arms in the first place.

Things have been progressing nicely since her decision to give us a shot. Us. The word still made me giddy inside. Yes, we were a couple, though probably the strangest one to ever exist. In honestly, not much has changed between us. We had always had that friendship that seemed to blur the lines only now Natsuki was clearly able to state the reasons why she allowed that sort of friendship. Physically we hadn't made much progress. The act of showing her affection was still hard on Natsuki. Mostly she seems content with laying together, holding hands and the occasional kiss or two, which normally I admit, I'm the one to insinuate. I think she still needs time to adjust to kissing for the sake of pleasure instead of the as a means to try to pull me back from my darker thoughts caused by the panic they caused in her.

Pulling myself from my thoughts I decide to go in search of said girlfriend, but a lone sheet of paper on the coffee table stops me before I've even had a chance to start. The handwriting is inelegant, but it still brings a smile to my lips. It is distinctly hers, and that in itself makes it beautiful.

_Had an emergency at work. I didn't want to wake you, you looked to peaceful sleeping. I will come back as soon as I'm finished at the shop. Maybe you'll let me buy you dinner? See you soon, my sweet Shizuru. _

The note, even in its simplicity, leaves me speechless. It is surprisingly the first I have ever received from her, and almost like a proud parent I want to put it on display somewhere that I may be reminded of her affection. Although we have always openly told each other we loved each other, she hasn't once said it since we've started this dating thing. I think she is waiting until she can comfortably say it in the way I have always longed to hear it. I've no doubt that she feels it, regardless. How could I possibly when moments like this happen?

So with a smile I decide it would be best to shower and get the house cleaned up before Natsuki returned so I wouldn't have to miss out on any time with her later. While I do fear our sudden change to spending so much time together will become old to her and she'll tire of me, I try to keep myself occupied and not dwell on such thoughts. The last thing I want is to sink back into my own darkness over irrational fears. What will be will be, right?

Focusing on my tasks at hand, I began straightening the kitchen. Dirty dishes were left from lunch, my impatient Natsuki not wanting to wait long enough for me to clean up before starting our movie. A knock at the door brought a smile to my face. Why on earth she was still being so formal I had no idea. But if this was how she wanted it, I would happily play along with her. I quickly ran my fingers through my hair and straightened my shirt. "Ara, miss me already?" I teased as I opened the door.

"Yes I did," came the unexpected voice. Though unexpected, I hadn't allowed my smile to drop as I didn't want to seem rude to my unexpected visitor.

"Chisame, please come in," I said, honey oozing from my voice. Well, I had needed to talk to her, hadn't I? "To what do I owe this unexpected surprise?"

"Sorry to just drop in on you like this," she offered a sheepish smile in apology. "It's just we haven't heard from you for a few days so we got sort of worried when you never returned the calls. I wanted to make sure you were doing okay."

"Its fine," I reassure her, though I feel hardly anything but fine at this. I suppose I can't always be prepared for everything. "Can I get you a drink?" I ask as I lead her to the couch and motion for her to sit.

"Ah, no I'm ok. Thank you though." She looks nervous, and I almost want to laugh. How do you randomly show up to someone's house, and then act so timid? We make a few attempts at small talk, passing a good twenty minutes with nothing more than mundane questions and answers. Finally my impatience gets the best of me, and I decide to bring us back to the point.

"I'm sorry to have worried you. Things have just been a bit busy lately. I'm afraid I probably won't be able to make it out much anymore," I say, deciding to just get this over with as quickly as possible. Unlike my dense Natsuki, it's easy to tell when people like me and it's quite clear Chisame is smitten with the Shizuru she believes me to be.

Her eyes clearly show her disappointment, and I can see her struggling with something. "Can I still see you, sometimes?" she asks finally.

Straight to the point. I always knew I liked her, even if this is quite a difficult task for her. "Ara, it seems I may have a few things to fill you in on," I reply, inhaling a deep breath quietly to prepare myself. It was never easy doing such things, and this is the first time I've ever had such a situation in my own home. She nods for me to continue, and so I do. "As you may have realized, I've been quite depressed lately. Hanging out with you and everyone was a great… distraction. However that's not exactly the life I wish to continue to lead."

She takes it in for a moment, shifting on the couch to better look at me. "We can do other things besides just drink, you know. It's not as if that's the only thing I enjoy," she laughs, and I realize I will have to be a bit more honest to dissuade her.

"I would be happy to be your friend, Chisame. However that is far as it can ever go. I do not wish to sound cruel, only honest. Is that something you can accept?" Our eyes lock, and after only a few seconds she looks away. The action causes me to want to laugh. Only Natsuki has ever been able to hold the weight of my gaze, and that was something that took her years to manage.

"Are you with someone now?" she asks, and I nod. "I see… Who?"

"Ara, the one I nearly killed myself with alcohol to forget," I laugh, more for myself than her.

"The one you cried over when we…"

"Yes."

"I see," her eyes look hard. Almost angered. It was a reaction I hadn't expected from her. Not from the overly gentle girl I had come to know. I had expected her to leave at this. Or at least accept a simple friendship. Perhaps I am slipping as I get older, but almost before I could blink, I feel her lips pressing against mine. Her hands are forceful on my shoulders as she holds me in place and she pulls away before I can even think to push her away.

_Fuck._

"I think perhaps you should be leaving, Chisame-san," I say quickly, my old mask quickly gracing my features.

"No Shizuru. This is stupid! I don't know what that girl did to you before to make you so hurt, but we, I, was there when she wasn't. I understood you had feelings for someone yes, that's why I was so patient. I thought… I thought if I just showed you I would wait it out maybe you would let me try."

"I'm sorry for that Chisame. I hadn't meant to lead you on. I thought you understood. However my heart has always, and will always be Natsuki's. And hers alone."

"I'm so happy to hear that," a playful voice calls out from behind me, and for a moment my heart freezes. There was ice beneath that playfulness and I can only hope that it wasn't directed at me.

"Natsuki, how long have you been there?" I turn to face her and the second our eyes lock and my heart begins to slow back to its normal pace.

"Long enough to know that I fucking love you and that if anyone ever touches you like that again without your consent, they'll live to regret it," she growls out.

For a brief moment I am aware that I should probably be doing something to cool the situation. To get Chisame out of the house, and Natsuki calm. However her words have left me lightheaded and for the first time in my life, speechless. I watch as Natsuki walks over to us, fire in her eyes as she gives Chisame the famous Kuga glare.

"Fine. But remember, you're the one who broke her heart. Don't think you have much right to be giving anyone else a look like that," Chisame said as stood to leave. "See you around, Shizuru."

Natsuki only growled until she was certain Chisame had seen herself out. Once I was certain that it was safe to drop my mask, I couldn't hold back the giggle at Natsuki's adorable behavior. "Ara, Natsuki loves me?" I manage to finally say once I see her troubled eyes clear.

"Damn right. I never want to see that again. I want to kill that girl."

She pulled me up from my seat on the couch and wrapped her arms around me, almost crushing my body to hers. My head rests on her shoulder while I nuzzle her neck, contently enjoying the fact that she has no clue how sexy her sudden declaration was. Taking my chances I pressed my lips to the soft skin of her neck, sucking gently at her pulse point.

"Shizuru, did you really… cry?" she asks and reluctantly I pull away from her neck but smile at the small red mark the action had left.

"Yes."

"Why?" she looks down to look into my eyes, her arms still holding me tightly against her as if to say whatever the answer, it would be ok.

"Because it was not you. Because the only hands I've ever wanted to touch me are yours Natsuki. And you are one I have always longed to touch," I breathe out the last part, moving my mouth close to her ear before gently tugging the lobe between my teeth.

I had expected her to blush, to pull away and call me a name. Anything except the reaction I did get, which was her sultry voice saying my name. Her hands made their way to my face as she pulled me in for a deep kiss, her tongue wasting no time in finding my own. In my mind I knew I should pull away before I let her get me too worked up, but her need to prove that I am hers after seeing such a sight only caused me to further enjoy the kiss. I had always wanted to see a forceful Natsuki.

"Please Natsuki, I'm not sure I can control myself if you kiss me like that," I manage to say when we pause for air. My words fall on deaf ears however as she gently pushes me back down to the couch, and I feel her weight on top of me as she finally stops to look at me.

"I don't want to stop." Her eyes meet mine and it is almost suffocating, the adoration I find in them. I have never seen such a look from her. "Let me make up for lost time. Let me make up for making you cry. Please Shizuru, anything you want. I've been such an idiot."

"What happened to slow?" I ask, not wanting her to do something she will regret from a silly surge of jealousy.

"Aren't I allowed to change my mind?" she answers with a smirk. "I thought that was something I was commonly known for at this point."

The truth in her words make me laugh as my hand reaches up to the back of her neck, pulling her closer to me. "As long as you don't change your mind about loving me."

"I couldn't," she smiles and my heart pounds hard in my chest as her lips come crashing back to mine.

It never ceases to amaze me the surge of desire that fills me at her every touch. If I had thought control was hard before with simple pecks and teasing touches, to have Natsuki's full body pressing down against mine while her mouth trailed from my lips to my jaw, down to my collar bone, was pure torture. Though I tried I couldn't restrain the slight moan that escaped my lips as I felt her teeth grazing the skin of my neck. My fingers tangled in her hair as I pulled her closer to me, and she clearly liked the reaction from her satisfied growl.

"Ara, Natsuki sure is good at this. Perhaps she has some secrets she has not shared with me?" I ask teasingly, hoping to throw her off enough to let me gain control.

"I just… it felt right?" she offered, turning a bright shade of pink.

"Perhaps I can return the favor in making Natsuki feel so good," I grin, gently nudging her off of me. She gives me a confused look as I stand on shaky legs, holding my hand out to her. "I think the bed may be a bit more comfy, for your first time." She turns fully red now at this, but still takes my hand and lets me lead her to my bedroom. Her moment of boldness has passed, though I'm sure it won't take much to coax it back out of her. "Natsuki did say anything I wanted, didn't she?"

We fall onto the bed as gracefully as possible; this time however I have the room to leverage myself on top of her. Not waiting around for me to start doubting myself I lean down to capture her lips again, sliding my waist between her legs. It takes her a moment to respond to my kiss, but once she does her arms encircle my body, pulling me tightly to her as if she was afraid to let me go.

"I'm not going anywhere Natsuki," I whispered in her ear, hoping to reassure her and calm her fears. "You are my dream come true. I would have waited forever for this."

My mouth once again found the soft skin of her neck, my tongue tracing a path from her pulse point to her jaw as I listened to her labored breathing next to my ear. It was almost agonizing, to not give in and rip off her clothes after waiting so many years to finally be able to touch her without hesitation. "Please Shizuru," she growled out as she pushed her hips up against mine. "Don't tease me. We've waited so many years. Please Shizuru."

"Natsuki is that excited already?" I teased, silently thankful she was feeling the same as me. There would be time for exploring later. Right now I wanted to be connected with her. I needed to finally give myself to her, and take her as my own.

Her hand on the back of my neck, pulling me in and crushing my lips to hers was the only response I got. Her tongue quickly found its way back into my mouth, pushing hard against my own as if to show me how badly she wanted this. If I had known all it took was seeing me with someone else to pull Natsuki out of her fears I would have done so years ago.

Quickly I bring my focus back to the task at hand and begin to unbutton her shirt as I hold myself up above her on my elbows while never breaking our kiss. Once I'm finished I push the material out of the way, and move away from Natsuki's mouth back to her neck as I lower myself at her side, giving my hand full freedom to roam over the newly exposed skin. I could feel her body shivering at my touch and grinned as I watched her bite her bottom lip when my fingers found a particularly ticklish spot along her stomach.

Sliding my hand up over her taut stomach muscles I kissed slowly down her chest so that my hand arrived at the swell of breast just as my tongue began to slide against the soft flesh above where my hand rested. Pleased with the discovery that her bra hooked in the front, I quickly undid the clasp. Knowing Natsuki as I did, I quickly covered the newly exposed flesh with my mouth, sliding my tongue in a gentle circle around her hardened nipple, wanting to keep her aroused past the point of being shy. "Shiz…uru," she panted out, her fingers tangling in my hair as she pulled me closer in encouragement. The gentleness quickly gave way to more carnal desires as I sucked on her nipple, moving my hand to gently squeeze her other breast. "Please Shizuru, no teasing," Natsuki said again.

With slight reluctance I pull myself away from her chest, my hands and mouth wandering farther down her body as I unbuttoned her jeans with much practiced ease and tugged them down from her body, pulling her underwear and socks with them. "Natsuki is so beautiful," I whispered as I looked over her exposed body. The knowledge of what she was giving me, of how long I had waited for this moment, hit me and I felt tears sting my eyes as I fought the lump in my throat.

Before the emotion could hit me too hard, Natsuki was pulling the front of my shirt, bringing me back down to her for another passionate kiss. I felt her tugging my bottom lip between her teeth, the pressure only easing up when I began to run my fingers along her thigh. "No teasing," she said with more urgency, and if it hadn't have been something I wanted so badly myself, I would have loved to have taken the time to drive her absolutely nuts with this.

My fingers easily found their way to her center, sliding along her wetness until the tip of my finger brushes against her clit. Her head falls back to the pillow, breaking our kiss as a low moan escapes her mouth. Pleased with the positive reaction I dip my head back to her neck, biting gently as I slide my finger down her slit before slipping the digit inside of her. I can feel Natsuki push her hips against me as the feeling of completeness I've always longed for with her is finally fulfilled. "I love you," I say into her ear, only loud enough for her to hear over her own ragged breathing.

My finger moves at a languid pace, just enough to get her used to the new sensation before I gently slip in a second digit. The feeling of her tight warmth around my fingers, her breath coming in short pants as she slides her hand under my shirt to dig her nails into my skin, almost sends me unconscious and I push deeper into her. Another moan comes from her lips and my mouth trails back down to her breasts. My tongue teases her nipples and her fingers dig deeper into my skin. I move in time with her, wanting to taste her but not wanting to break the other physical contact she seems to be craving.

Knowing the sensations are overwhelming her I add one more to the mix by brushing my thumb in lazy circles along her clit while I press deeper and deeper within her. It only takes a moment before she reaches up to wrap her arms around me, pulling my body down on hers as I feel her body begin to shudder beneath me. I can faintly hear her whispering my name but I am too lost in the sensations of her center clamping tightly around my fingers and her arms trembling as she holds me.

When I feel her body relaxing I slowly pull out of her and lay my head on her chest. I can feel her heartbeat exploding beneath my ears and after only a moment strong arms are squeezing me tightly. "I love you, Shizuru," she says before placing a kiss on my forehead. "That was… amazing."

"Natsuki is amazing," I respond in truth, still in awe of all that has happened. "I love you so very much. Ara, but Natsuki did promise me a dinner date. I hope she doesn't think she's gotten out of it."

"You're impossible," she laughs as she rolls on her side to face me. "I wouldn't have it any other way, my sweet Shizuru."

Gently she cups my face in her hands and kisses me as tears fall freely from my eyes. This was worth every second I waited and every tear I cried. "My precious Natsuki," I breathed against her lips before breaking the kiss. I watched as her eyes roamed over my face, a small smile playing on the corners of her mouth. "Ara, is it dinnertime?"

"Something like that," she laughed before pressing her lips to mine once more.

Ara, it seems I have awakened a whole new Natsuki.


End file.
